I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
and you fell through a lawn chair
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