i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
