Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
