that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
