At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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