I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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