i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
you would pick up someone in the library
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
