My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
