Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Everclear isn't food dammit
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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