he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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