Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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