ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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