You can't special order awesome
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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