Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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