Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
