mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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