just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
