You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
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