I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
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