People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
