Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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