i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize