Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
