I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
