how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize