one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
