OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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