I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
vagina is talking i cant
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
