We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Well I just put wine in my tea
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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