May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
