dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
