So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
