i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
