Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Randomize
