Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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