Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
