why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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