nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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