Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
