singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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