Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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