On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
