all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Your penis caused this!
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
