You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
be right there i have to get my cape
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
