Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
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