ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
