if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
she peed on how many people?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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