I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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