do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
