Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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