I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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