Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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