I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Randomize
