dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Houston, we have a blender
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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