i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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