so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
