The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
