he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
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