dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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