How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
