Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
