Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Is it because I queefed?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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