In the future we'll all be gay
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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