She's JV to your varsity
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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