brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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