They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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