Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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