How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
