better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Sorry about my life...
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
