God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Crop dusting thru forever 21
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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